No evidence of metastatic disease

Photo by Elle Edwards on Unsplash

I welcomed good news on Sunday from my recent CT scan, but not without first enduring a week of torso pain of unknown etiology.

The ups and downs of this illness, mingled with interminable waiting, continue to be a challenge. For every situation that presents itself, I respond (sometimes by just being still), but my body especially within the context of this illness seems to often betray me.

Then, there is the intensity I bring.

To wit: We had just sat down last night to catch up on a 50-Best Netflix movie, when I casually checked my Duolingo status. I had maintained my top 10 position in the Diamond League semi-finals all week. To my horror, someone had pushed me out, to position 11, on Sunday evening. I needed only 200 points to climb back before the competition ended in an hour. There was hope.

Me: Hey, Chris, would you mind waiting on that movie?

Chris: Remember, when you asked me yesterday if I thought you were intense?

I reluctantly closed my iPad and we started watching the movie: My Girl, fitting because it stars Jamie Lee Curtis, last night’s Oscar winner for best supporting actress.

Even if I didn’t have the Diamond League Finals, I had my scan results.

I’ve grown increasingly fond of the language in these reports. So clear and spare. Punctuation sometimes optional. This report included a lot of Normal for heart, spleen, pancreas, GI tract, mesenteric vessels, aorta, bladder, lymph nodes.

I enjoyed reading the descriptions of results from last year’s two surgeries:

ADRENAL GLANDS: Right adrenalectomy

LUNGS: Stable postoperative changes in the left upper lobe.
Presumed postoperative scar at the lateral right lung base, unchanged.

OSSEOUS STRUCTURES AND SOFT TISSUES: Surgical resection of the lateral-anterior right eighth rib

Of concern was this mixed bag, which I will discuss at my upcoming visit with the oncologist.

LUNGS: Stable 4 mm nodule posterior right lung along the major fissure image 26 series 9, likely representing a perifissural lymph node.
No new pulmonary lesion.

KIDNEYS: Punctate right intrarenal calculus. No hydronephrosis.

LIVER: Stable small enhancing lesion in segment 4b, probably representing a hemangioma or other vascular malformation.

The best part was at the end of the report:

IMPRESSION: No evidence of metastatic disease.

Maybe my body doesn’t betray me but instead is just relaying essential information that I don’t always listen to — early enough or at all. My not-so-secret, unrealistic belief is that I can use my brain to think my way through any situation. That method has not held up during this illness. The cavalcade of symptoms, especially those forcing a trip to the ER in late 2021, is essential information. When my body said No. Stop now in 2021, I had to listen. How many more subtle messages never landed? And why would I want to deride such a great advisor? Here’s to my being a better listener.

On a Bun-related note, we hung out yesterday in my home office and she was so comfortable that she flopped right out in the open. Rabbits only flop when they’re ultra relaxed and trust their environment.

Flop on orange yoga mat

Here is an unstylized close up. Her fur is as soft as you might imagine.